My wife responded well to treatment this week in spite of the nasty mixture of medicines that she received. Typically this particular treatment has produced the most brutal side effects of the three types of mixtures that she gets. The sequence in which the effects of the medicine occurred did not change but the power either significantly weakened or my wife has just become accustom to pain.
Emotions throughout the week ranged from anger, frustration, sadness all of the way to happiness. Anger is an emotion that I experience more so than my wife. It is something that I must learn to channel in a more positive manner. I have some difficulty understanding how the most emotional being on this planet cannot comprehend the importance of sensitivity toward a person that is sick. Respect is something that my wife has earned & deserves and now that she is sick I am overly sensitive about others not paying her the respect that she deserves which often results in anger.
Again sadness is an emotion that can be more overwhelming for me more so than my wife. I experience this only when reality is shoved in my face which it was at the 5K run/walk to support ovarian cancer on Sunday. I listened, observed & digested a recurring theme behind many sad stories. The next night’s sleep was restless & ultimately it ended with tears in my eyes with the thought that my wife would not win this fight. What I learned from this experience is that it is okay to listen to the experiences of others but it is important to remember that we are all unique so what happens to one will not necessarily happen to another. The mantra I’ve adopted & tried to live by is one day at a time. As my cousin says it will all work out.
My wife’s biggest emotional challenge is the battle with frustration. Her mind reflects on better times which drives her body to attempt to return to normal activity & when she is unable it produces frustration. This week, in particular, she wanted to watch our youngest son play at his baseball tournament but when the day arrived her body said no. Then on Sunday she had every intention of being a part of the run/walk but again her body said no. The good news is that she was sensible enough to listen & battled through the frustration to feel very good about her ability to manage through the side effects of this week’s treatment.
Next week we will reach the halfway point a milestone of sorts. It is hard for me to believe that we have come this far knowing that on day of the first treatment my wife was in tears & I felt like a parent dropping his or her child off at kindergarten for the first time. After next week I’ll step back & evaluate how we’ve managed & hopefully I will be able to tweak some of my own behaviors to make this a smoother ride for her on the back side.
My wife has done wonderful throughout teaching me & those who surround her how to manage pain, manage emotions & manage life. She is a great woman whose legacy will be helping others to understand that life does not end because cancer strikes. I love you Angela!