Week 13—no treatment
It was somewhat frustrating to miss a second straight week of treatment however it was important to understand why Angela was experiencing a new symptom. I will admit that it was a scary few days leading up to her doctor’s appointment on Tuesday the 20th. I fought the urge to believe that the cancer had returned in a different form but couldn’t help but allow it to enter my mind on occasion. The other battle that I face each day is knowing that my fears are minor in nature compared to those of my wife. The devil on one shoulder tells me that I’m human, have human emotions that I’m allowed to express however the angel on my other shoulder tells me that I need to stop being selfish & consider her fears.
So without going into a lot of detail the big news on Tuesday was that the symptoms my wife was experiencing are the result of a non-cancer related problem with her colon. I cannot tell you enough the relief that I felt but once again, taking a step back, I cannot tell you how relieved my wife must have felt when we received the news.
Prior to this great relief I had the experience of once again witnessing my wife laying in a hospital bed in an altered state. She was curled up in a ball covered in a blanket mumbling unintelligible words. Tears rolled down my eyes as I thought deep thoughts of worry & concern for her well-being. Victims of illness are not just those directly affected but also those with whom they surround themselves & love. If, by chance, I lost this woman my world would effectively end.
The message being delivered to us from above is that we are stronger than what we thought. We can beat this but the this but there will be many battles until the fight is over. The individual battles in our own minds are probably the most difficult to win but if we communicate we can fight together & win out. Internally, externally & all around us it is difficult but I love my wife & we will not give up.