Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Chemo update: week 10 treatment #7 4/30/2014

Chemo update: week 10 treatment #7 This past week my wife was exceptionally strong in the physical sense but noticeably struggling emotionally. When feeling well the obvious question to her must be why do I need to continue with treatments that will make me feel bad again? As the week closed the inevitable occurred as my wife said to me you know I’m going to die don’t you? Upon hearing these words my heart dropped to my knees but I didn’t hesitate to say No you are not!! Helpless as I may have felt at the time I would not & could not let her believe her own words.
I’ve come to realize that the time that we spend together is priceless regardless of our physical well-being or our state of mind. We do our best to maintain a normal pattern of life despite the situation. In some instances it is obvious to me that she conceals her condition just to play a role in a pattern of life that she feels is important. An example of this was Easter Sunday, a “bad” day, yet she pushed forward to satisfy her need to celebrate the holiday by entertaining & representing herself as a leader of our family. During a recent breakdown I assured her that it would be okay for us to deviate from normal patterns to set our milestones for celebration & that it would be accepted by others as the new normal in our home.
Despite her minor breakdowns over the last week I still consider her to be the strongest, toughest & most persistent battler this disease has ever encountered. There is no doubt that the end will result with her overcoming this major challenge with the ability to share her experiences with others who suffer in kind & to show that cancer is not a death sentence. I love this woman & love everything that she symbolizes and will do everything in my power to protect her from the disease & her own mind to ensure that she comfortably wins this fight.
Today’s mixture is the one that challenges the most but I’m confident that I will be back to report next week that she did not succumb to the effects of the disease or the side effects of the treatment. Regardless love conquers all so it will be a good week.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Thoughts posted by Angela after doctor's visit on 4/23/14

Had appointment with oncologist today. Haven't been feeling all that great....apparently cumulative effects of chemo. Borderline anemic so will probably get blood soon. Sleeping about 14 hours a day and just feeling foggy and nauseas a lot of the time. I have been able to spend some time with my kids this week which has been wonderful. My poor husband has to work all week and then come home and hear how yucky I feel : ( Sorry honey....I love you!!! I start Round 3 of my chemo next can't be over soon enough......

Friday, April 18, 2014

Chemo update: week 8 treatment #6. 4/18/14

Chemo update: week 8 treatment #6. A little curve ball was thrown our way last week when Angela could not receive treatment due to a low white blood cell count. The news was very difficult for her to digest but she was able to stay upbeat. We went into this week still a little concerned about the low white cell count but when Monday’s test revealed she was okay for treatment we were relieved. The good news is that she was able to receive treatment but the bad news is that the curve ball made us very aware of how unsettled our lives are. Angela had been making plans for a family vacation in July but now with the understanding that we are unable to predict her schedule she came to the realization that it would not be wise to continue. Acceptance is a difficult thing but I think my wife has done an amazing job of accepting disappointment in the face of reality. I feel helpless at times knowing that there is nothing I can do to physically help but what tempers that emotion is the knowledge that once treatment is over my wife will have whatever she wants. I’ve already come to many conclusions the most important of which is that there will be no one or nothing that will stand in the way of me helping my wife to get better & keeping her pretty smile on her face. The challenge of the last couple of weeks has been interesting but nothing that could not be overcome by a strong woman. We’re on a different schedule but still on the same road to recovery.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Chemo update: week 6 treatment #5. 4/1/2014

Chemo update: week 6 treatment #5. Coming off a very difficult weekend my wife appeared to be very discouraged as we drove to the treatment facility this morning. It was a known that the mixture she received last week could potentially have terrible side effects but knowledge alone cannot make one feel better. In my first statement I said it was a difficult weekend but to clarify things a bit it was not a terrible weekend. Anytime my wife and I are together there is happiness no matter how we feel.
The chemicals have changed her outward appearance but she is still beautiful & her spirit still thrives. There is no damage that cannot & will not be undone and there is no battle that cannot be won. The disease & treatment have taken some powerful jabs which at times have rocked my wife but never once has she went to the floor. The treatment this week is mild in nature so I expect her to punch back and kick butt. She’s down to 95lbs so her first blow should be to eat, eat & eat some more. Through 5 rounds there are no knockouts & she is leading on the judges’ cards. Eleven more to go before the decision is in her favor. Keep battling sweetheart---I love you!