Chemo update: week 10 treatment #7 This past week my wife was exceptionally strong in the physical sense but noticeably struggling emotionally. When feeling well the obvious question to her must be why do I need to continue with treatments that will make me feel bad again? As the week closed the inevitable occurred as my wife said to me you know I’m going to die don’t you? Upon hearing these words my heart dropped to my knees but I didn’t hesitate to say No you are not!! Helpless as I may have felt at the time I would not & could not let her believe her own words.
I’ve come to realize that the time that we spend together is priceless regardless of our physical well-being or our state of mind. We do our best to maintain a normal pattern of life despite the situation. In some instances it is obvious to me that she conceals her condition just to play a role in a pattern of life that she feels is important. An example of this was Easter Sunday, a “bad” day, yet she pushed forward to satisfy her need to celebrate the holiday by entertaining & representing herself as a leader of our family. During a recent breakdown I assured her that it would be okay for us to deviate from normal patterns to set our milestones for celebration & that it would be accepted by others as the new normal in our home.
Despite her minor breakdowns over the last week I still consider her to be the strongest, toughest & most persistent battler this disease has ever encountered. There is no doubt that the end will result with her overcoming this major challenge with the ability to share her experiences with others who suffer in kind & to show that cancer is not a death sentence. I love this woman & love everything that she symbolizes and will do everything in my power to protect her from the disease & her own mind to ensure that she comfortably wins this fight.
Today’s mixture is the one that challenges the most but I’m confident that I will be back to report next week that she did not succumb to the effects of the disease or the side effects of the treatment. Regardless love conquers all so it will be a good week.
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