Managing some personal disappointment as well as sharing disappointment experienced by my oldest son I found it difficult to keep things in perspective this week. It is one thing to deal with something personal because I have control of how I react and what I do however it is something quite different to share disappointment with a loved one.
My oldest, kind of like me, sometimes sets his goals way too high which ultimately positions him for what he perceives to be failure. Unfortunately he had this experience this week which tempered any good feeling we had in the house. The key here is to support him, help him mitigate the bad feeling associated with his disappointment by telling him that you are proud that he did not walk away from a challenge. My boy is a smart kid and from here will recognize what needs to be done the next time to meet and beat the challenge.
While I was wallowing in my own self pity earlier in the week I denied my wife & family of the attention they need & they deserve. It took me a day but if not surrounded by my loving family it probably would have taken a year. My youngest kissed me on the forehead and my oldest snuggled up to me while we watched television & my wife bought me a new pair of running shoes. I realized pretty quickly that these are the important things in life & with this I shook it off and moved on.
Unfortunately my wife was put in a position where she was our heartbeat this week & despite being sick she stayed strong for us. It was all put into perspective by her just saying "hey I just want to live".
My wife's mid-week treatment was uneventful with no lingering side effects impacting her ability to manage the life style that she has adopted. There is, however, still frustration because the new life style is no way indicative of how she wants to live. The day or two after treatment was spent planning for an August vacation which hinges on how well her body responds to treatment #14. If the white blood cell count stays within range considered to be normal than treatment #15 can proceed on schedule however if it falls below that range treatment will be delayed one week. Having overcome every challenge tossed her way up until this point I have no doubt that she has the will to overcome a set back but I'm hoping & praying that we can make it over this one last hump so treatment can continue on schedule. My wife & I will breathe a big sigh of relief after treatment 15 because it leads to a week off and then the final series of three.
Through 14 treatments she has battled the disease with the courage & might of a giant & with still 4 more to go I see no fear in her eyes or wear in her body. She has done a great job of maintaining stability within our household. Despite her illness she has never stopped being a mother, a wife and a friend to others. She has welcomed the disease into her life and has found a way to reveal the positive impact that it can have while refusing to allow the resulting pain & suffering to dictate what it is all about. Love you Angela!
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